Funny Stories

Two hunters had rented...

Two hunters had rented an airplane to get to the distant forest zone. After couple of weeks the pilot returned to take them back. After looking at their hunting trophies he said:
– The plane won’t be able to carry more than one buffalo. You will have to leave one of them.
– But last year the pilot agreed to take on board two buffalos the same size as these,- the hunters protested.
The pilot thought about it and said:
– Ok. If it worked the last year, it should work this time too.
The plane tried to take off with two passengers and two buffalos on board, but it was not able to reach the required height. The plane crashed into the nearest hill. After getting out the plane wreck, the hunters looked around. One of them said to another:
– Where do you think we are?
His pal examined the surroundings and answered:
– I think we are two miles south from the place that we crashed the last time.

An old man came into...

An old man came into the bank and asked for a loan of 500 dollars. The bank employee started filling out the papers.
– What are you going to do with this money? – He asked.
– I will go to the city to sell the jewellery that I made.
– What do you have for the security of the loan?
– I don’t know, what is a security? – the man said.
– Well, security – is something that has value and can cover the cost of the loan. Do you have a car?
– Yes – a 1949 year truck.
– No, it won’t suit, – said the bank clerk. – Maybe you have livestock?
– Yes, I have a horse.
– How old is it?
– I don’t know because it doesn’t have teeth anymore to tell.
In the end the papers for the loan were filled and the man was given 500 dollars.
After a couple of weeks the man came to the bank again with a package of money. He counted the ones belonging to the bank and hid the other ones.
– What are you going to do with the other money, – the same clerk asked.
– I will keep them in my house, – the man answered.
– You can make a deposit in our bank.
– I don’t know, what’s a deposit? – The man said.
– Well, you give the money to the bank, bank takes care of it, and when you need money, you can take it.
The old man thought about it and asked:
– Does the bank have something to give me in security for the money?

Young, newly appointed...

Young, newly appointed IBM company‘s manager was carpeted by his leadership. He made a deal, in which his leadership lost 10 million dollars.

When he realized his mistake, it was too late, the money were floated away.

He came into the office and, feeling his guilty and not waiting until the leadership will tell him something, said:

— I understand that you can retire me, and, admitting my guilt, accept your decision.

— To retire you? — The leader asked. — We have just spent 10 million on your training and may not throw such valuable human resources. Go to work!

One rich man decided...

One rich man decided to realize his old dream: to lead an orchestra. He hired a drummer, three saxophonists, and twenty four violinists.

During the first rehearsal, he conducted so poorly that the drummer suggested other musicians to leave him. But one saxophonist said:

– Why do we have to leave? He pays well. Moreover, he probably understands the music.

At the next rehearsal the conductor could not get a rhythm. Angry drummer started a deafening drumming. The conductor asked for silence, looked around the musicians and asked:

– Who did this?

An exciting adventure...

After thirty years spent watching television, the husband told his wife:

– Let us now do something really exciting.

These words brought to her mind pictures of pleasure jaunt through the night city.

– Excellent! – She exclaimed. – What will we do?

– Well, I thought… Let’s exchange chairs, honey!

Mother asked her child...

Mother asked her child:

— Do you know that God was here, when you were stealing cookies from the kitchen?

— Yes, I do.

— And do you know that he was looking at you all this time?

— Yes, I do.

— And how do you think, what he said?

— He said: “There is nobody here apart from us, so take some cookies for me, too!”